GoodFuckingIdea.com

More food on the plates, less washing up. What’s not to love, eh? Fucking tasty genius.

The answers to these questionnaires can be very illuminating.

In a four-year span between 1985 and 1989: Middle Eastern terrorists hijack a U.S. jetliner bound for Italy and hold hostages in secret locations in Lebanon and Syria for two weeks. While this is going on, another group detonates a bomb in a 747 over the North Atlantic, killing more than 300 people. Soon after, terrorists kill 19 people and wound more than a hundred others in coordinated attacks at European airport ticket counters. A few months later, a U.S. airliner is bombed over Greece, killing four passengers. Five months after that, another U.S. airliner is stormed by heavily armed terrorists at the airport in Karachi, killing at least 20 people and wounding 150 more. Two years later a 747 bound for New York is blown up over Europe killing 270 passengers and crew. Nine months from then, a French airliner en route to Paris is bombed over Africa, killing 170 people from 17 countries.

By comparison, it’s been pretty quiet these last 8 years, but the over-reaction has been fucking huge. Refuse to be terrorised.

It’s rare to hear someone saying something heartfelt and worthwhile at Christmas. It’s so easy to trot out the same hackneyed crap and parroted sentimentalism without relishing the beauty of being able to celebrate another year, whilst feasting like Kings in warm houses. We are lucky indeed. So to help you settle in to a real yule, take a few minutes to enjoy this song from Tim Minchin , which includes these fucking marvellous lyrics: “I really like Christmas. I have all of the usual objections to consumerism, the commercialisation of an ancient religion to the Westernisation of a dead Palestinian press-ganged into selling Playstations and beer. But I still really like it.”

Why do we think everyone should be perfectly fucking telepathic at Christmas? Of course we’re going to give and receive things that aren’t really wanted. How were you to know they got that book from the library last week? So here’s a simple way to make things better: Get an envelope, put the receipt in it, seal it, and write on it “This is the receipt. If this isn’t as good as it could be, for any reason, please change it! Happy 2011! x”

There, problems solved.

Life is always too short, but never too short to let your friends know you value them.

Not only do they save you a fortune on books, the “free knowledge” thing is conceptually fucking epic. Librarians of the world, WE LOVE YOU!

If it comes to the crunch, the people everyone wants to have on their team are doctors, engineers, and farmers.

Take a first aid course, get some good DIY skills or something even more useful like plumbing, and begin to learn techniques for food production.

It’s fucking amazing getting a present which has been made JUST FOR YOU.

In the next 14 days, you’ve probably got plenty to time to make at least two things which someone in your life will appreciate for ever and ever. (Mince pies with heart shapes for Mum: 40 minutes. A cute little poem for your best friend: 60 minutes during a few journeys to work.)

The great thing about making stuff is that, even if it’s shit, it shows thought and care; and since we all want to be especially loved WAY more than we want more stuff, you can’t really go wrong.

Be inspired by these links, and have a fucking proud and crafty weekend of happy fun.