If you’re a sociopathic thoughtless motherfucker, here are our top tips for building nuclear:
- Build them before or during periods of great social and environmental change, ideally matched by geopolitical instability. This will ensure that no matter how well the proles overcome other problems, they’ll always have this to deal with.
- Try to simultaneously let education systems run down so trained nuclear engineers will be in short supply.
- Build them near the coast, because the unstoppable rising sea-levels will mean you get government money to build stronger sea-defences every few years.
- Try using this line: “We need to keep the lights on, and nuclear is the best solution for that.” See if you can paternalisticly imply that it’s for their benefit, and one day soon they’ll realise that.
- Find all copies of the Zero Carbon Britain report and burn them. This is crucial since if word gets out that there’s a much better alternative you’ll have to spend more money on bribes.
- And finally some great research fresh from Japan: build them on fault lines. Epic work, Sensei Burns and Smithers-san.
Good luck to everyone in Japan. Our thoughts are with you. And when the dust has settled, you might like to reconsider the nuclear thing.. I mean.. your track record is… well you’re… I’m just saying that … there’s quite a … look nuclear just doesn’t seem to be your thing, ok?